Have you ever kicked off and, to those around you, it seemed like it was for no apparent reason? Or it was for something ‘minor’ in their eyes? I know it’s happened to me. 🤪
From research (and my own experience), there are a couple of reasons for this:
1. The first and most important factor is that your values have been breached. Put simply, values are things that really matter to you. Things that you may have adopted very early on in your life and owned as your own .. things like, manners, trust, love, support, being kind, etc. If something you hold very dear to you is breached .. it’s naturally going to affect you.
2. If you’re ‘kicking off’ it’s usually because you may have neglected to let people know that what they are doing is having a negative impact on you. If ignored too many times, or if you have told people how you feel and they continue to do the same thing over and over again, it may cause you to behave in a less than beautiful way. Like alcohol kept in a freezer .. it’s going to explode if kept in too long ..don’t say this has just happened to me
In the CHIMP PARADOX, by Prof Steve Peters, he calls this your inner CHIMP kicking off (I may have ad libed the ‘kicking off’ bit)
Two suggestions you may like to stop this:
1. Ensure you address the negative behaviour that’s affecting you early on when you’re calm. Just have a nice sensible little chat and say how the behaviour is making you feel and why. Remove words like .. YOU make me feel .. say the BEHAVIOUR makes you feel… it reduces conflict because the person won’t feel threatened.
2. If the behaviour continues you have a choice .. stay and accept it and know that you may not behave beautifully or, preferrably and better for all, have boundaries and stick to them so everyone knows where they are e.g. ‘If this happens again I will .. we will have to .. then … etc.
Oh and the most important item .. keep breathing, stay calm, and aim to be the best version of yourself. Forgive yourself and aim to improve.
Love
Leanne 😍
